Hosting A Romantic Dinner At Home
“I could make dinner at my place.” Such simple words. At first, the idea sounds simple, too.
You’ll invite her to your place. It’ll be dark, with candles setting the mood. You’ll serve her a sophisticated meal, something that whispers I’ve got my act together and tastes great, too. You’ll laugh, drink wine, and share an intimate evening that feels like the beginning of the next stage of your relationship.
Ya, it sounds perfect. And it can be — but it’s exceedingly difficult to pull off. If you aren’t thoughtful about each aspect of the experience, your romantic dinner date could very well have the opposite of its intended effect. In this post, I’ll share all I know to help you host a three-course dinner date at home.
The third date is always at my place. It always centers around a multi-course, elegant meal that I prepare. And while the meal is the star of a particular moment of the evening, it always serves to elevate — rather than distract from — the relationship I’m eager to build.
I’m in a long-term relationship now, but the romantic dinners are still a catalyst. At this point, my girlfriend often prefers these curated and personal evenings over our trips to Michelin star restaurants. Between my experience in the food industry, tips from my five sisters, and lots of practice (shh), I’ve dialed in the art of hosting a romantic dinner.
Here, I’ll share all I’ve learned about hosting romantic dinner dates so you can host expertly-crafted dinner dates, too. I’ll detail what you should do, what you should avoid, and how you can integrate subtle touches that highlight the best of you. The guide centers around a three-course dinner that is at once impressive and easy to pull off. Trust me — this will be one of the best investments in your relationship that you can make. She’ll thank us later.
Before we get started
We’re about to embark on an incredibly detailed post. So before we get started, a few points:
This isn’t just recipes. I’ll be sharing recipes, but this isn’t a post on how to make food. It’s a post on curating an experience that is conducive to a romantic evening. Menu selection will be important, but it’s just one part.
This isn’t just for people in relationships. Don’t wait until you’re dating someone to read this post. As you’ll see, the best dinner dates appear effortless, and appearing effortless takes effort. Before the opportunity arises, practice making these meals for yourself or your friends.
This is for everyone. I’m a straight dude, and I wrote this post as if I were providing advice to other straight dudes. But thoughtful dinner dates are universal, so go for it.
It’ll also be helpful for me to explain what we’re trying to achieve. I’m going to detail my blueprint for an evening with a 3-course dinner and space for… romantic stuff. This blueprint has been designed to maximize the chances that you pull this evening off. Specifically, it has been designed to facilitate:
The right vibe: This dinner is not about you. It is not even about the food. Instead, it’s about the interaction between you and her. Your goal should be to avoid spectacle while still enriching and accelerating the relationship via your curated experience. It’s a fine balance, but we can make it work.
Delicious, yet refined and light food: When it comes to the food, your goal should be to serve something elegant yet provocative. It should be satisfying, but your date shouldn’t feel full. It should look beautiful, but it should be executed without fuss. As you’ll see, menu selection is everything.
Organization and preparation: Because you want the evening to be characterized by playful conversation rather than chaos in the kitchen, your goal should be to serve your guest — not to prepare food in front of your guest. If you make the right moves beforehand, you can minimize the work that’s necessary in the moment, making you appear present, calm, and collected.
The right pacing: You’re going to facilitate an evening that flows naturally and leaves appropriate time for the two of you to just hang out. We’re even going to incorporate some ‘audibles’ so you can flex the evening to pursue the pace that is working in the moment.
A tailored experience: I’ll be providing tips that work for me, but you need to deviate from these tips if you believe that your date wouldn’t appreciate them. Be thoughtful.
It’s possible to check all these boxes, and you’ll see that they are in many ways self-reinforcing. Let’s get to it.
The Day’s events
This is my recommended schedule of events. Do not consider this a firm agenda; spontaneity is your friend when it comes to romantic evenings. But planning for the best case scenario will help that best case come to life.
Preparation phase [2 PM to 7 PM]: Before she arrives, you prepare as much of the meal in advance as possible. As you’ll see with the recipes, some of this could even be completed the day before. You also get your place in clean, working order. I prefer having my dinner dates on Saturdays so I can take my time with preparation in the day.
Arrival and pre-dinner phase [7 PM to 7:30 PM]: As she arrives, you greet her and invite her to relax in the living room. Don’t rush to eat. Get comfortable and hungry — ideally over a drink.
Appetizer and main course phase [7:30 PM to 8:30 PM]: You have the first two of the three courses you’ll serve. Thanks to the preparation and menu selection, you’re doing almost zero cooking in front of your guest.
Post-dinner fun phase [8:30 PM to 9:30 PM]: You wind down after the meal wherever it’s convenient. You have more to drink and let things digest. You tease the fact that dessert is still to come, but you evaluate the moment to see whether you should actually serve it.
Dessert phase [9:30 PM to 10:00 PM]: If it feels right, you make a simple, theatrical, and participatory dessert together. Since you’re making it in the moment, it feels a bit spontaneous, like you’ve embarked on a new part of the evening together. And since it hasn’t been made yet, there’s no problem if you skip this part altogether.
??? phase [??? PM to ???]: You’ve altogether forgotten about this blog post because things are going so well. No need for me to help from here on out.
Let’s review every aspect of the night that you’ll need to master.
The Space
I don’t think I need to explain that you need a clean place for this event. Of course you do. But consider a few other things too:
The lighting should be dim, but not suggestive. There’s a reason why restaurants are dim. Just as bright light leaves guests feeling alert, dim light allows guests to relax. Fiddle with the different configurations of dimness in your place. Just try to avoid making this look like you’re ready to jump into seduction mode. A candle might work, but a candle-lit room is gonna seem like too much.
You should be prepared for chill-mode. I like having a comfy blanket visible in the living room. She’ll reach for it if she wants it.
Your dishwasher should be empty. Hide your dishes in the dishwasher after each course. Even if you need to rinse them later. If dirty dishes are out of sight, the night will go smoother.
Your kitchen should be spotless. It’ll get dirtier as the night goes on, so start off right. When you can, keep things clean in the moment.
Your bathroom should be clean, too. My girlfriend told me to add this. The bathroom is the ultimate test, so it should be spotless. And have a trash with a lid.
The other important component of your space is you. Vibe check. Don’t be creepy. Be confident, but don’t be cocky. Be nice, but be interesting, too — and disagree on some stuff!
The alcohol
Alcohol selection is important, but I like to downplay what we drink. The meal itself will be impressive, so topping it off with expensive wine or elaborate cocktails might make you look like you’re trying too hard.
For this reason, I recommend choosing a tasty but otherwise unremarkable wine. There’s no need to talk about it.
Alternatively, have your date bring the wine. It’s common that your date will ask in advance how she can help. Just tell her to bring the wine! If you’re following the recipes I suggested, just tell her to bring a red wine. That enables her to contribute and feel helpful, and it gives you adequate space to work your magic in the kitchen. Who knows — she might just impress you with a stellar bottle.
COURSE #1: The APPETIZER
The first of the evening’s three courses will be the appetizer. The goal of the appetizer is to stimulate the appetite, cleanse the palate, and show your range as a cook. For our purposes, the best appetizers are:
Cold, so you don’t have to cook anything in the moment;
Acidic to contrast the savory course to follow;
Light to keep the meal light overall; and
Primarily vegetarian, because the meat will be the star of the next course.
For these reasons, my favorite option is a roasted golden beet salad with goat cheese and candied walnuts.
I put together a blueprint for making this dish in a dinner date setting. I call it a blueprint because it’s more than just a recipe — it also includes a date-specific schedule and tips to help you execute the dish without a hitch. The steps are broken out into “before she arrives” and “after she arrives”.
COURSE #2: The MAIN COURSE
The second of the evening’s three courses will be the main course. The goal of the main course is to provide something delicious, sophisticated, and fulfilling. For our purposes, the best main course is:
Warm to contrast the appetizer;
An atypical cut of meat to challenge your guest and make this meal memorable; and
Braised to make cooking hands off, and to give you a large window of time while the dish is cooked perfectly.
For these reasons, my favorite option is red wine braised short ribs, which has the added bonus of giving your place an indulgent, intoxicating aroma. I serve it with celery root puree, which is mashed potatoes’ better-tasting cousin and can be reheated without losing quality.
As with the appetizer, I put together a blueprint for making this dish in a dinner date setting. The blueprint includes a date-specific schedule and tips to help you pull it off.
COURSE #3: The DESSERT
Don’t rush into the dessert. After dinner, head to the living room for a drink. Relax, talk, feel things out. You might find that the night is progressing in such a manner that dessert gets in the way. If that’s the case, skip dessert.
Alternatively, you can use dessert to spark different conversation or inspire a closer, shared experience. In that way, dessert can both revive a struggling night and enhance a night that’s already going well. How? By choosing a dessert that is fun and experiential in nature. For our purposes, the perfect dessert is:
Hands-on, so you and your date can make it together and thus share a new intimate experience;
Not too heavy, because you don’t want to induce a food coma;
A bit provocative or theatrical, so the process stimulates conversation; and
Not time-sensitive, because we have no idea when (or whether) you’ll actually make dessert.
There are many desserts that check all these boxes, but my favorites are either s’mores or bananas foster. Both these desserts require an open flame. Fire. Ya, dessert is an incredible excuse for sparks to fly. Check out my blueprint for making both desserts in a dinner date setting.
A couple warnings on using fire for your desserts:
Be safe. This should not be your first time doing this. Practice in advance. Test ahead to ensure that your place doesn’t get too hot or that the fire alarm doesn’t go off (both of which will certainly extinguish your flame).
Don’t look like a tool. There’s a fine line between using fire to create a dessert that is fun and participatory and using fire because you think it makes you look special. Don’t be that guy. Be either (1) nonchalant about it, like a restaurant would be or (2) a bit nervous about it, like both of you are embarking on the experience together.
After dinner
Assuming things went well up to this point, the end of dessert won’t be the end of your night. This ain’t the blog for me to explain what happens next.
I will say that it’s not uncommon for your date to ask to help with the dishes. I find that doing the dishes can slow the momentum of a perfect evening, so I prefer to reject this offer. Provided you’ve been periodically adding the dishes to the dishwasher (out of sight, even if they need to be cleaned a bit later) or stacking them neatly beside the sink, you should be able to avoid washing the dishes in the moment. Just use an excuse like, “Don’t worry about it! I like to do dishes while I listen to my podcasts. I’ll handle it later.” Then ask her about podcasts.
Experienced eyes only
You might find yourself organizing a second dinner date. Awesome! But yikes.
I recommend switching things up for dinner date #2. Specifically, I recommend making dinner together. Choose a dish where making dinner together is fun, where there’s a bit of mundane work that enables you to talk about other stuff, and where you can compare each other’s work and tease her a bit.
The best dish for that? Gyoza. Making your own gyoza is fun because you can each shape your own. Who makes them prettier? Who makes them faster? My guess is it’ll be her. Here’s the recipe I use.
You’ve got this!
If you’ve read this far, you clearly care about this date (whether it’s been scheduled or not!). And that’s half the battle. You’re thoughtful about the experience that you’re providing for your date, and she’ll see that. Best of luck with your dinner.
